Fedi Shitpost Compilation 2¶

A sequel to Fedi Shitpost Compilation

(Typesetting notes: if the first line is bold, then it is a mastodon feature called "content warning"; clicking it expands the rest of the post.)

2024-07-25¶

what do you call a keyboard on a watergun?

squirty qwerty

2024-08-10¶

i had a dream I worked as a consultant for a company called the New Jersey Knife Company 💀💀💀

2024-08-14¶

assigned australian at perth

2024-08-17¶

I dreamt that the gay community invented a metric called "time not spent on looking for boy companionship" and youd be publicly shamed if it's too high

2024-08-27¶

furry ham operators ending contact be like

colon three

2024-08-30¶

yall lied to me this is not shikanokonokonoko koshitantan

[Attached: System Of A Down - Deer Dance (Official Audio)]

2024-09-03¶

misheard lyrics

🎵 yeeeeeting seeeats is a pastime activityyyy 🎵

2024-09-05¶

what do you call a color that doesn't exist?

a pigment of your imagination

2024-09-06¶

:blobcatno: cooking spaghetti

:blobcatyes: waiting for libpasta to compile

2024-09-06¶

Barbie's bf lost his job in new jersey.

he's now Hoboken.

2024-09-07¶

furry convention name idea

hotel caniformia

2024-09-17¶

pseudorandom acts of kindness (all my altruistic behavior is the result of mersenne twister):

2024-09-18¶

she sapir on my cognitive abilities till i whorf

2024-10-15¶

why did the journal reject the AI music paper?

it had a terrible baseline

2024-10-19¶

Rust is NOT memory-safe!! I learned it this january and forgot all of it!

2024-10-23¶

a man walked disapprovingly out of an IVF museum.

"come on, that could have made my son!"

2024-10-23¶

dynamic memory in dance machines manufactured in east germany

it's the DDR DDR DDR

2024-10-24¶

network failure 🤝 hate mail

resent packet

2024-10-24¶

who named it "chemtrail" and not "farter jet"

2024-10-25¶

rustaceans can have a little interface, as a trait

2024-10-26¶

tired: christian library

wired: biblary

2024-10-30¶

how do i become a girl three times as fast

IEEE

2024-11-02¶

who named it "software bug" and not "putergeist"

2024-11-04¶

🎵 help me bowdlerize help me bowdlerize help me out🎵

🎵 shakespeare and i we got a lot of problems🎵

2024-11-05¶

eee e eee e eee

its a party at the usb

2024-11-05¶

correct horse battery staple

voting complimentary werewolf swag

2024-11-13¶

taceau belle

2024-11-13¶

queer manicure? you mean bassist fingers?

2024-11-14¶

DIE Gabel? DAS Messer? DER Teller? my kitchen table is NOT a gender reveal party

2024-11-22¶

in my bedded room, straight up staying "it". by it, lets just say. haha, well. up late

2024-11-24¶

plug in hdmi cable
amdgpu: monitor? what monitor?
plug in hdmi cable but the other way
amdgpu: enjoy your Dell® Ultrasharp™ U2722DE

electric engineering can't be real

2024-11-24¶

pronouncing "woke" like /ˌwəʊˈkeɪ/

2024-11-28¶

November 30 is the last day of NNN. it is called Wanksgiving

2024-11-30¶

Bluetooth Low Energy GYATT server

2024-12-01¶

caps

[March 2024]
twenty one pilots: release Next Semester
me: I'm nowhere near cooked, this song is unrelatable

[April 2024]
me: CAN'T CHANGE WHAT YOU'VE DONE START FRESH NEXT SEMESTER

[August 2024]
me: ok last semester was torture i will start fresh on this one

[December 2024]
me: CAN'T CHAN-

2024-12-07¶

planet telex when asteroid hemorrhoid enters the room:

2024-12-11¶

the epipen is mightier than the episword

2024-12-16¶

cursed radio modulation

PSK (Polarization Shift Keying)

2024-12-20¶

stop self-deprecating language!

instead of saying
"my existence is a joke"

try saying
"i was born a comedian"

2024-12-25¶

Arsch Linux

2024-12-26¶

i spilled spaghetti on a qwertz keyboard.

jetzt habe ich eine Pastatur.

2024-12-27¶

application/octet-stream? get on with the griftosphere. it's now called application/x-content

2025-01-02¶

:blobcatreeeeeee: the daily mail

:blobcatgay: the daily male

2025-01-08¶

lgtm (looks gay to me)

2025-01-11¶

introducing IOMO (indifference of missing out)

2025-01-18¶

neurodivergent gnu/linux users starter pack

• FreeADHD
• LibreAutism

2025-01-23¶

Hot Magnetic Monopoles In Your Area

2025-01-29¶

i found a 0-click deanonymization attack that allows me to locate any internet user within a 6371 km radius

2025-02-04¶

cash is just treasury gift cards

2025-02-06¶

buy code optimizations for time
time ./a.out
actually less time

this is bullshit

2025-02-17¶

Zarathustra fans be like

🔥🗣️ he spake

2025-02-21¶

bus driver been blasting gospel rock and all i hear is "jesus you wank me on my soul"