Fedi Shitpost Compilation¶

As you may know, I occasionally engage in a recreational activity known as Shitposting, on the Federated Universe (Fedi). Here are some notable cases:

(Typesetting notes: if the first line is bold, then it is a mastodon feature called "content warning"; clicking it expands the rest of the post.)

2022-10-29¶

1. predict the stock market
2. ???
3. prophet!

2022-11-03¶

evil polya be like

how not to solve it

2023-01-25¶

panic! at the disbanding

2023-03-23¶

funnels imply the existence of painnels

2023-04-08¶

being an electronic engineer be like

BOM:

• LEDs, 0603, white, $0.096
• Resistor pack, 4x1k, 0603, $0.024
• ObscureSemi® OutOfStockMega™ 52M40L0PX181D, QFN32, $62
• Capacitor, 22uF, 0805, $0.003

2023-05-19¶

satire

kde is for furries. real MEN use xmonad

2023-05-23¶

SI be like:

6*10^27 grams is so confusing let's give it a name. an intuitive name. one that is easily distinguishable. how about

6 ronnagrams

oh also 6*10^-27 is 6 rontograms because fuck you

2023-05-24¶

yeah im into hi-fi

highly
intelligent
furry
individuals

2023-06-15¶

watching board of ceos talk about ai regulation be like

🤡 🤡 🤡 ☝️🤓 🤡 🤡

2023-06-17¶

it's ok to ask for quotes from infinite companies to install a well in your farm, because there will always be a cheapest one. this is known as the well ordering principle

2023-07-24¶

your are intj. i am fsck. we are not the same

2023-07-24¶

> buy expensive mountain bicycle

> park with all the other bikes

> kickstand keeps bike upright at 89.999 degrees

> tips over at slightest push

> damaged

"why would people do this?!!?1?"

2023-07-26¶

web integriteez nuts

2023-07-26¶

my fav moment of the wandering earth is when earth said "its wanderin time" then yeeted itself out of the galaxy

2023-07-30¶

gonna treat myself and buy a Gibson Les Bian

2023-07-31¶

there's no such thing as Dijkstra's algorithm. he just looks at your graph real fast and says "yeah this one's shortest take it or leave it"

2023-07-31¶

everyone agrees sugar is the soul of any dessert, but my german friend thinks i should add a little weniger.

2023-08-08¶

emo embedded engineers be like

my qemucal romance

2023-08-16¶

chatgpt bullshit

[on a forum]
person 1: hey how can i do XYZ
person 2: idk shit about this topic but here's an answer by chatgpt
person 1: thanks

narrator: the answer is, of course, wrong.

2023-08-22¶

dream, birdsite

i had a dream that Unicode made a feature that you can combine any two characters into a single glyph ligature, but turns out it's recursive and that's how a random dude uploaded the entire Bible to Twitter in two characters (not one due to some artificial limit) and it crashed half of the clients

2023-09-06¶

why don't German people call it Ümläut

2023-09-15¶

misinfo

trans people have colorful hair because electron orbital transitions emit photons of certain frequencies

2023-09-17¶

shop clerk: hey could you push your cart back with all the other carts

me: why

shop clerk: because std::vector<ShoppingCart> is stored in contiguous memory and if you don't put them back you're breaking the ADT's representational invariant

2023-09-21¶

explaining a math proof in sign language is challenging. it involves a lot of hand-waving.

2023-09-21¶

typical piazza® experience

me: *posts a question over discrepancy in instructor materials, with exact sources*

56 views, 0 answers

9 consecutive posts literally titled "AG" or "autograder" about the autograder being unreachable: each gets answered in minutes

2023-09-26¶

german was invented in 1858 when the printing press ran out of space characters

2023-09-30¶

fedizens when a piece of software is c++ (it #includes \<algorithm> without the user's consent)

2023-10-01¶

bad

proctober (proctology october)

2023-10-11¶

not screen reader friendly

listening to prog rock until they do a time change

00:00 ▫️------------ 00:08 📶🔁

2023-10-15¶

medieval programmers be like "sure let me open my cmyk movable type box and wear my programming leggings"

2023-10-18¶

iupac: but it lasted only one femtosecond
me: i don't care, if it exists it exists. now name my element with 588 protons
iupac: Pentoctoctium
me: make it shorter
iupac: (*sigh*) Poo

2023-10-20¶

girls install debian
to become more lesbian
boys run void
to kiss more boys

2023-10-23¶

germans when they have pizza for dinner

Gluten Abend

2023-10-28¶

ancient Chinese stories about someone doing something stupid often begin with their initial followed by their country of origin like "Liang, from the Qi kingdom" and i think that's a rudimentary form of "Florida man"

2023-10-29¶

not screen reader friendly

german wordle be like

🟥🟥🟨🟥🟨🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥🟨🟥🟥
🟥🟥🟥🟩🟨🟥🟥🟨🟥🟥🟥🟩🟥🟥🟥
🟥🟥🟥🟩🟥🟥🟩🟩🟥🟨🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟥🟥🟩🟨🟥🟩🟩🟥🟥🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟥🟩🟩🟩🟥🟥🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

2023-10-30¶

if unix was invented in europe

cd ,,
echo €PATH

2023-10-31¶

furries have an unfair advantage at halloween costumes. fursuits should not count unless its a bat

2023-10-31¶

why did they name it "Michigan pride"and not Michigay

2023-11-03¶

long

americans stop normalizing state codes

especially on the internet when the context is unclear

"I love Tulsa, OK" ← kthx but no need to be passive aggressive about it

ask a non american what "IA" means. IowA? IndianA? group 1 alkali metal?

"everyone should know this, it's common knowledge!"

lmao literally no one outside of the states are responsible for knowing that

how about we go in reverse? which province is gàn (赣)? which one is qián (黔)? this is what non-americans feel when we see shit like MA, MD, ME, MI, MN, MO, MS, and MT

2023-11-05¶

why isnt uc berkeley's furry club called uc barkley ugh i wanna screem

2023-11-11¶

very important sentence from book i am reading

"Cats are equivalent in that they are to be petted, but gently, so that they do not claw. (Brown 1965, pp. 318-19)"

2023-11-12¶

football, the successor to the less popular variant, inchball

2023-11-15¶

Thus, if the child thinks a leopard says "meow", he or she may classify leopards as 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴.

2023-11-24¶

💬 linguistic knowledge of the day 🔤

the chinese word 祭司 (priest, not necessarily christian) can be taken apart as:

• 祭 (jì) ceremony of sacrifice
• 司 (sī) person in control

therefore we can conclude that, at some point in ancient chinese folk religion, an emcee dropped a sick beat

2023-11-23¶

why was the 40W light bulb arrested?

public incandescency

2023-11-28¶

book quote out of context

Let us take a situation […] in which there are […] no priests, no gays, no Moslems with only three wives, no Tarzans.

2023-12-06¶

when machine gun kelly dropped rap devil would you call that an ad eminem attack

2023-12-11¶

the three types of piazza posts the evening before exam:

• need help for question 9.3 from fall '21

• what's the difference between [pair of obscure concepts that are just up to experience really]

• hi can someone explain to me [the entirety of lecture 12-25] if it's not [assumption that shows they haven't been to a single lecture in the past two months]

2023-12-19¶

zeichne mit TikZ, um Till Tantau anzupissen

2023-12-20¶

book quote out of context

a bike should no more have a carburetor than the pope should have a wife.

2023-12-24¶

zufällig einen Mann küsst entschwuldigung

2023-12-24¶

transcoders? yes I've seen a few

2023-12-30¶

rust is just a cargo cult

this explains everything

2024-01-18¶

groceries imply the existence of shrinkceries

2024-01-22¶

me: so how does this "downtime-proof" power supply work?

salesperson: it comes with serj protection

2024-01-23¶

me: i have a computer engineering debris.
interviewer: don't you mean degree?
me: no.
[four kilograms of leftover pcbs fall from the ceiling vent, killing interviewer instantly]

2024-01-24¶

• paranoid android
• despotess iOS
• lydian symbian
• sucrose windows
• voodoo ubuntu
• comparted postmarket

2024-01-26¶

when the drummer misses a beat they're fired but when the whole band miss a beat it's called "progressive rock"

2024-01-31¶

me: I have deicided to become an atheist.
angel: don't you mean decided?
me: [throws bloodstained shovel over the cloud] no

2024-02-05¶

misinfo

donald knuth invented computer modern to replace the badly kerned font on his computer modem

2024-02-16¶

[ in a cleanroom ]
tsmc employee: hey you can't just take these MOSFETs!
me: you said they were complimentary

2024-02-19¶

move at a medium pace and preserve current state of things

2024-02-24¶

department chair: sorry professor jones, publish or parish

jones: that's - wait, don't you mean perish?

chair: no. the campus chapel is now yours

2024-02-26¶

Kinderkennzeichnungs- und Kindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz

Erratum: Blyfh pointed out that the correct spelling for "child meat" is "Kinderfleisch", not "Kindfleisch".

2024-02-27¶

if POSIX was so good how come there's no POSEVEN

2024-03-02¶

if i had a nickel every time my program integer overflowed i would have -2147483648 nickels

2024-03-04¶

why does it take longer to bury a tarantula than a human?

the grave is eight feet underground

2024-03-04¶

page table base register was invented by a computer architect with a correct horse battery staple password generator

2024-03-05¶

what do you call a touhou-themed german spa town?

Bad Apfel

2024-03-06¶

what did the principal tell the student who was plagiarizing from chatgpt?

detention is all you need

2024-03-08¶

what do you call switzerland in a war between diamond and graphite

carbon neutral

2024-03-09¶

[lunchbreak at popl]
me: I'm a rutaceae
unsuspecting person: oh cool have you checked out their new trait system- wait, what did you say again?
me: [takes off trenchcoat, revealing tree branches bearing grapefruit]

2024-03-09¶

what killed the dragon electrician?

scale current

2024-03-22¶

why are vinyl records not RoHS compliant?

there's a lead single on them

2024-03-25¶

brain noise

oo wee oo i look just like bloody mary
oh oh and you're mirror on the wall

2024-04-02¶

interviewer: what's your name?
me: my name is Sirius Wright Não.
interviewer: *inspects closer upon my resume* you cannot be serious right now

2024-04-19¶

do you think the first person to invent music was rejected for being "too experimental" and "bird-esque"

2024-04-24¶

Ten Costliest Bugs Caused By Dangling Pointers - #48216913015 will surprise you

2024-04-25¶

electric engineers be like

the capacitor is 0.000047 farads

this is close enough to infinity

2024-04-27¶

what do you call it when you contemplate the meaning of life for 15 minutes?

a quarter ponder

2024-06-13¶

why do ao3 writers make great HVAC mechanics?

they're good at fan fix

2024-06-22¶

Portugal. The Idea

2024-06-24¶

graduate texts in mathematics? no idea where you heard that bro, i know three of them and they all text in english

2024-07-05¶

the most difficult German word is "Apfel".

once you've learned that, the rest is Apfel grabs.

2024-07-10¶

kernel "developers" who only ever comment on other people's code and never write any be like

SIGVIRTUE

2024-07-10¶

midwest emo? i find it

missourable

2024-07-11¶

buenos aires if argentina was colonized by zoomers

chill vibes